I was so confused. My thoughts ran captive. I was flustered and had not eaten. I was so clouded by the noise coming from advice, the approval of others and what the experts on the internet said. I was ignoring what I knew deep down would bring me peace.
You would think I was referring to a life-altering decision. One that would and could change lives. One that mattered. One that deserved such overthinking, irresolution, indecisiveness and unwavering angst. I must have been at Hobby Lobby for at least 2 hours (I wish I was exaggerating), trying to make a decision on how to frame 6 Currier and Ives sailboat/clipper prints. Not to be dramatic, but I was having a small panic attack over the decision. At this point, my head was literally spinning.
Side Note: I am not diminishing the seriousness of panic attacks. Over the years, I have experienced anxiety and panic attacks myself. At this moment, I was close to having a full-blown attack. I will explain why I think this happened in the following text.
The sweet girl working the frame department could not have been more patient or sympathetic towards my lack of decision making. One after one, customers came in, made their framing decisions with her guidance and left. “Easy peasy” as I often tell my little students when facing a task that I want to guide them in without stress.
Here lies the debacle… I wanted a chunky ornate gold frame and a stark white mat set against the vintage prints. I actually knew what I wanted. So what was the problem? I am glad you asked. 😉
The framing specialist told me that they normally do not mat vintage prints in a stark white. That sent me to decorating tips on the internet where I found advice such as: “Bleached white mats are typically considered modern and not a good fit for framing vintage prints.”, “Intense white mats on a vintage print will wash out the delicate warm colors.”, and “Putting a white mat on a vintage print will make it look yellowed or dirty.”.
“We normally don’t do this,” the sweet framing specialist said, “But I am going to cut you some small samples of mats to take home with your prints because I can see you are struggling.”
“What is wrong with me?”, I thought. In the grand scheme of things this doesn’t matter! I help a classroom of children make decisions every day. As a pastor’s wife, I have guided countless women and teens in crucial matters. And as a parent, I have guided my own children in monumental choices and pivotal calls. Hundreds of decisions made over the years with the two souls God gave me to parent. “Why can’t I just decide how to frame these prints?”!!!!!!!
God uses so many moments in my life to guide me into his presence. This seemingly silly indecisiveness taught me a few new lessons and reminded me of some old ones.
- Empty Nest Syndrome is a real thing. It is a mix of emotions that I really can’t explain. It is a celebration of finding yourself and your spouse again while the grief of a season of your life comes to a complete close. When that last one leaves the nest, it can feel like a rug pulled out from under you. This season holds a real undeniable void. A feeling of missing sweet souls that still exist is the ultimate oxymoron. A state of letting go and free falling into unknown territory as a parent while standing firm in who you have always been in Christ.
This was the new lesson. “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19 and “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under Heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1
2. Decision Making Must Be Rooted in Christ. The framing specialist was telling me what most people used as the norm and the internet decorators were proving her right. I ultimately knew what I wanted for my home and what would bring me peace. It was a stark reminder that flustered moments of debilatating indecision need peace stabilization found in a rooting of Christ. My indecision was coming from a much deeper source than white mats and vintage prints. I was becoming flustered and swayed by a new instability in my life. Imagine being faced with a situation that required more important decision making than the color of a mat. Good advice from good people might not be Godly advice that brings peace. A reminder that life brings waves that can sway and toss you about. We must maintain an anchor by staying rooted in Christ Jesus.
This was the old lesson: “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” Hebrews 6:19 , “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” Colossians 2:6-7, and “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2
I went back to Hobby Lobby with a thankfulness for the patience and compassion from the young girl that tried so fervently to help me, a realization that my feelings were valid, and a decision that came with a deeper peace than just deciding on stark white mats. My framed vintage prints remind me of raising my precious children on the coast and of being anchored in Christ. I am not sure when I will fully land from the freefall of an empty nest, but I love my framed Currier and Ives Sailboats with their chunky ornate gold frames and stark white mats.
Kristi W. Cook 